you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
