What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
