I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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