if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
