Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
