If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
