This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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