He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
