dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
