shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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