Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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