Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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