Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
