I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
