I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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