I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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