I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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