i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
