the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
