that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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