so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
