this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
