he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
