Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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