matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
