I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
