Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
