Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
