my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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