I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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