Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
