Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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