I must be too annoying 4 u.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
