I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
