he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
