when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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