the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
