My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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