Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
