i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just want to make out with him forever
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