Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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