Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
