i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
