I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
