i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You took a bar mat shot.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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