Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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