i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
