Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
