Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
