I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
