I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
